I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
