I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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