There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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