where am i from again
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
