I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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