Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
