Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
