I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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