he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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