the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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