Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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