So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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