And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
