I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
