I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
