thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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