Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
