when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You're a waste of cheezeits
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
