I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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