oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
