So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
