Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
