you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
