Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
