i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
