even my farts smell like vagina
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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