So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I believe in your delicious
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
