He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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