She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
