Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
