I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
