Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
