Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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