I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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