hotel room ftw
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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