I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
