i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
