my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
