woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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