I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
