Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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