I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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