I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
