Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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