i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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