my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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