So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
