I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When did angry sex become our thing?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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