the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
