i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
