I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
