weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
