So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
