I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
