I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
