also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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